Thanksgiving

November 22nd, 2018

I’ve been dreading this day.. so many family members and conversations and small talk.

I woke up and struggled to get out of bed and shower. My body was moving very slow and my mind felt groggy. It felt as if I had to exert as much energy as it would take to run a marathon just to get myself out of bed and into the shower. I’m not sure how I’m suppose to go on about my day when all my energy seems to be diminished by 9am, but I kept trudging on.

After I showered and got dressed, I walked downstairs to be greeted by my entire family. My grandma came up and hugged me tight and gave me a soft kiss on the cheek. The affectionate pressure from her hug put a smile on my face. We continued to chat and I was content for this short amount of time as she told me about her trip to Ireland. The conversation died down and it was time for lunch.

Everyone sat down to enjoy the meal and I began to feel empty and withdrawn again. I didn’t feel like adding to the conversation, as my life is boring and no one probably cares about what is going on in my world. I also haven’t had much of an appetite in the last few weeks, and today is no exception. I filled a plate and slowly moved my food around as I took a bite every 5 minutes or so. My mom glanced across the table and quietly asked me if everything is okay and I said “yeah I’m fine”. This is a question i’ve been asked multiple times this past week. I think people are starting to catch on. I wouldn’t be mad if they did. I’m very sad and I could use some help and support.

After lunch finished up and my family members went their separate ways, my mom sat down with me on the couch and put her arm around me. I leaned my head onto her shoulder and we sat in silence for a minute or two. She eventually spoke and started telling me about when she was 25 and started to experience many depressive symptoms after a tough break up. I’ve never known this about my mom, and I never would have guessed it from such an amazing and strong woman. She went more into detail about her experience and also continued to tell me about how her mom (my grandma) has been suffering from depression for a long while now. I hugged her a little tighter as a tear dripped down my cheek. For the first time in a while, I felt like someone understood me. It was incredibly relieving.